The Mental Race

I vividly remember mile 12 of my first half marathon. Kelly Clarkson’s Stronger was on my iPod as I rounded the globe at Epcot. As I realized how close I was to finishing, to accomplishing my goal, I slowly became overwhelmed with emotion to the edge of tears. The feeling was indescribable. All of the hard work, the anticipation, had built to the moment I was about to experience – the finish.

Fast forward two months. Again I’m at mile 12 of a half marathon, the Iron Girl. But today is different. Today, I don’t know what is playing on my iPod. I don’t know where I am or what views surround me. I’m only wondering “where’s that damn finish line?” I’m beat; no, I’m defeated. But it’s not because my legs hurt, even though they did. It’s not because my stomach ached or my foot cramped, even though they did. It’s because my mind is broken.

Sure, I had a time goal for this race that I did not meet. And while that’s disappointing after two months of hard work, I’m okay with that…now. Injury and bridges alone would have made me lucky to finish even in the same time as my last race. What I’m not okay with, and why this race has haunted me since I ran it, is that my attitude failed me.

I set myself up for failure and then beat myself down when I failed. Going into the race, I had hopes of shaving about three minute from my last time. This was certainly a stretch to begin with considering the elevation of this course, but I felt I was up to the challenge. But when I injured my knee two weeks before race day, I never readjusted my expectations. I was injured to the point I questioned running it at all a mere four days prior, but never reevaluated my goal when I decided to run. Did I think injury didn’t really apply to me? Maybe.

Every mile that ticked by below goal pace set my mind racing. I was angry and screamed at my legs to move faster. They didn’t hear me. I was wondering if this was it, did I peak already (so melodramatic!). I was wondering if I should have pushed though the injury more in training. I was wondering if each consecutive mile would get slower and slower. I was thinking about everything else but the moment I was in. Negativity got to me and soon all I was hearing, seeing and feeling was the bad. I was being dragged down. I lost sight of the reason I run and I lost the enjoyment.

The clock certainly didn’t show a fail. But the point is that the clock doesn’t matter. I run for how it makes me feel – more mentally than physically. I know I’m physically capable, but there is a mental race to run. And in the Iron Girl half, I failed at the mental race. It’s harder for me to pick back up from a mental fail. But now is the time to learn from the experience, regroup and get the focus back.

Iron Girl Half Marathon 2012 Recap

Athleta Iron Girl Half Marathon

Location: Clearwater/Clearwater Beach, Florida

Date: Sunday, April 22^nd, 2012

Participants: Women’s Only Event – 1,481

Getting Right Down To It

While the weather was unpredictable this year, overall it was a good event that I would recommend and participate in it again myself. Challenging half marathon course (for a Floridian), beautiful venue, well organized, good security and volunteer support, nice shirts and medals, unique food box. Note that a 5K course is also offered by Iron Girl on this day.

Packet Pick Up

Several nights through the week you could pick up your packet (bib and shirt) at various bay area running/sports stores, or on Saturday during the Expo at Pier 60. Know your bib number which is sent about a week before via e-mail. The expo was also held on Sunday at the pier, but there is no race-day pickup. My plan was to attend the expo after the race, but Mother Nature had a different idea! By the way, the bibs are beachy and girly and are personalized with your name - a nice touch!

Race Start

Plan even more time than suggested to accommodate for parking and restroom lines. The parking lot connected to Coachman Park is used for the event, so you’re left with fighting for spots in smaller lots in surrounding blocks. It’s not impossible, but did take up more time than anticipated.

What every running wants to know – how was the port-o-potty situation? Actually, there were a decent amount of port-o-potties available. However, the lines were still running about 15 minutes long as both last minute half marathoners and early 5Kers (about 2500 additional women) converge at the same time. Again, probably less of an issue if I had made it there sooner. As it was, I was standing in line as they were making “last call” announcements to line up.

It’s a single start and the corral is narrow and winding, making for a slow start if you’re towards the back. I wanted to be just after the 2:00 pacer, but was only able to get halfway between the 2:30 and 2:45 pacers (and that was cutting line). But don’t fret. With just under 1,500 women, it thins out quickly once you get through the start line.

The Course

Starting in Clearwater’s Coachman Park and ending at Pier 60 on beautiful Clearwater Beach, the Iron Girl Half Marathon first winds towards the south through neighborhoods lining the Clearwater Harbor, then crosses the Bellair Beach Causeway and then heads back north to end at Pier 60. Beautiful views to be sure!

Although being in Florida, and Clearwater Beach no less, some elevation is built into this course not only due to two bridges, but also there were some “hills” to be found in the neighborhoods as well. Heck, you even start out running up hill! Garmin data showed 305 ft of elevation gain over the course. If you never run hills, I would advise doing so before this event, or be prepared to power walk up them. And remember to save some steam for the bridge just after mile 11!

One down side to this course is the amount of turns in the first half. These cause bottle necks and cause slowdowns. I felt like we barely made it an eighth mile before we were turning again.

The course is well marked and police officers and volunteers were a regular site. Water stops are frequent and well stocked/well manned. Both GU and Girl Scout cookies were on route as well.

Unfortunately, the starting line blew away before I got there so it lacked some of the fanfare. But according to my husband (and the picture he snapped), it was the right call to remove the finish balloon and the flags because they became a safety hazard.

The Goods

I always say, “Will Run For Bling”, and this event has the bling! The medal is heavy-weight and gold-colored with a beach theme (glittery sandcastle with palm trees and ocean) and thick teal ribbon printed with the event name and date. I peeked at the 5K medal, which was just as nice!

During packet pickup, you receive your shirt which is the same for 5K and half marathon and not event- or date-specific. The material is soft and comfortable. The fit is a little more “soccer mom” than “sporty”, but certainly 100% better than the basic cotton man tee. I felt sizing ran a little large. You do pre-order size, but I was able to switch mine out with no problems.

Loving the approach to food! All the samples are contained in an easy-to-carry box and include gluten free and organic foods that you might not expect. Apparently there was also a free breakfast offered to runners, but due to the downpour I didn’t stick around for it.

A Minimalist is Born

Recently, I’ve found minimalism. One of those part-the-skies, angels-singing, apple-falling-on-your-head type realizations that there’s a better way for me to live. I feel as though this was a missing puzzle piece finally found, one I’ve always known was missing.

I read once that minimalism means different things to different people. One columnist said something to the effect of: minimalism is sorting through and removing the unimportant so that the truly important can speak louder. Of course, I think it was a bit more eloquent than that. That statement best describes my goal for my minimalist journey. I’m seeking my true happiness by trying to focus on the truly important and releasing all the rest.

It was difficult to be honest with myself, especially when I’ve always been one to ignore and hide feelings and emotions. Admitting even to myself that I wasn’t honestly happy was no small task. Am I capable of happiness, and what if the answer to that is no? Will it take up-ending my life to chase my happiness? That’s a frightening prospect when you’ve come so far and are so invested in a particular direction. If I admit to being unhappy, will I be seen as ungrateful? After all, I have a lot of things that many people would kill for – education, my own home, etc.



Photo Source: http://ubersuper.com/are-you-happy/



But the further I got along on the typical American middle-class life plan, the emptier I felt. College, grad school, marriage, career, home ownership…and the stuff starts piling up, and the bills start piling up to pay for the stuff, and auto-pilot kicks in. Soon you’re just living life in a certain way because that’s what you’re “supposed to do”.  Time ticks by and you no longer think about what’s important to you, you easily give up the dreams for the ‘real world’, you feel pressure and lose sight of where you truly want to go.

Despite being on the “right track” I wasn’t truly happy. And trying to gain more didn't make me any happier, in fact just the opposite. But why not? This is how we are supposed to live life, no? For me, it’s a distraction. The pursuit of these things was distracting me from chasing the truly important desires in my life, distracting me from finding my true happiness. The meaning was missing from the majority of my activities. I was existing, but not living. And so I had to change.

So I started to look around and see what wasn’t necessary in my life, what was keeping me from chasing my happiness, from finding meaning? I looked at my home and furnishings, my relationships, my clothing, my career path, my thoughts. And I started tossing. The knick-knacks that collect dust that I have to spend time cleaning every week rather than being outdoors with my husband – gone. The shirts that I keep “just in case” I might wear them one day – gone. And I look now to identify what’s important to me – my marriage, my health, seeking my purpose.

It’s a journey. I would argue a never ending journey; and I’m only at the beginning stages. I’m good at clearing the clutter in my home, but enormously challenged with clearing the clutter of my mind. Luckily, my ever-supportive husband is on the same journey. For once, I’m engaged and honestly excited about the path of my life. Together we’re redefining our lives, and chasing happiness as we goMinimal.

goJoin! The Power of Community

Over the years, I’ve been involved in a few groups - the marching band in high school, Alpha Kappa Psi professional business fraternity in college…okay, that’s about it. Perhaps due in part to my reluctance to be in social situations, but I had/have a tendency to avoid groups and committing to groups. I’ve done myself an injustice.

Thankfully my husband, Brady, doesn’t have the same problem. When we started on our path to a fit lifestyle a few years back, he immediately sought out groups. We live in an area that doesn’t sustain any sort of fitness-oriented population - despite having so many fantastic places to be outside and be fit (one of the very bright spots about our location). Naturally, the place to reach out then was the internet. Brady joined bike groups through Meetup, read forums and found a community. He showed me the power of seeking out others who share your passion and interests. Through his groups, he was able to become a stronger rider in a way he likely could not have accomplished on his own.

Soon enough, I followed, joining his primarily road biking group who also had members interested in mountain biking. I’m not strong enough to ride on the road with them yet, but they are supportive in other aspects. And while I haven’t joined any specific running group (it’s a bit too inconvenient to drive 40-60 minutes to do a 60 minute run.), I have found community in other places. Twitter is full of people encouraging, supporting, offering advice. Reach out to friends on Facebook who share your interest. Attending events - bike races, running events, etc - is a fantastic way to get out and interact with groups of people who share your passion.

What I’ve found is that being part of a community, no matter what topic, keeps you motivated, helps you challenge yourself and grow, develops friendships and connections with people who get you (i.e. understand why you wake up at 4am on the weekends to do something crazy like run or bike for ridiculous amounts of time!). As a newbie, it’s invaluable. You never feel alone. The more you talk and share and connect with others, the more excited you become about your sport. The enthusiasm is infectious!

I wonder today what I may have missed in past years by not finding communities and groups. What skills could I have developed? What hobbies could I have become involved in? But that’s the past; I have only today and the future. So I’ll take note, learn my lesson, and not be afraid to goJoin!